“Listen, we need to talk. Promise me you won’t get mad…”
I close my eyes and let my head hang. I knew this was coming. I just didn’t expect the guillotine to fall as quickly as it did.
So recently my life changed. For better or worse, I have to deal with it.
I don’t hate change. Change is good. It brings new things. It’s just that I don’t like saying goodbye to something good.
Maybe the worst part is not knowing when you will feel this good again. I think life moves in these A and B cycles, good times and bad times. Cliché, I know. But it seems to fit. It is what my short adult life has taught me so far.
At certain periods in my life, I feel like I belong. This is the right place and the right time for me to be here. Like my last years in high school, my college education, my first girlfriend, becoming a freelancer,… All periods of my life upon which I look back with joy and happiness. But also a tad of sadness. For I know that I can’t go back and relive those periods again.
I can look at pictures, diaries or something to bring back the memories but it’s not the same thing.
It never is.
On the other side of the spectrum there are the B-cycles. The aftermath of whatever event caused the previous A-round to go bust. I’m picking up the pieces and figuring out where I have to go from here. It feels like cleaning up my personal space. I like it. It helps when I feel depressed or unmotivated. It’s something I got from Jason Mraz. He left me the notion that your living area reflects the way you think. If your thoughts are all over the place, your space will be cluttered and vice versa. I like to believe that cleaning up helps me clear my head.
This B round, is the part that predominantly sucks. Or used to. I have seen and done some amazing things so far and have been through less pleasant experiences as well. Each time I got found a way in or out.
Whenever I was up, I eventually went down and later on, back up again. Considering this to be a fact of life, the B rounds go from a depressing period to a time of self-reflection, contemplation and chill’laxed waiting.