My wife shared this blob of text the other day.
“Wanting a positive experience is a negative experience.” Whatever you long for, will emphasize that which you lack.
If you want to become skinny or sexy or rich, that means you are not yet those things. You aren’t skinny, sexy or rich. Therefore you probably are fat, unattractive and poor.
The more you long for something, the bigger the emphasis on your lack thereof.
It’s an interesting mind-fuck, and one that has teased me plenty of times.
But seeing it in this simple formula of “Want -> Not Have Yet”. Made something joyfully clear to me.
What if we flip it?
Instead of “I want to be rich” say, “I don’t want to be poor”
Being rich might be a threshold of millions of Eddies.
But not being poor, might be just a few thousand. Or a few ten thousand.
Much more achievable.
Not being poor – doesn’t mean you’re rich, far from it. But that is no longer our focus.
If the wanting of something positive, reinforces the negative. Then NOT wanting something negative, must reinforce the positive.
Far Away Ceilings and Low Floors.
The wanting of something positive is like attempting to reach for the edge of the universe. There is some far away, arbitrary, loosely defined line out there. Is 1 million rich? Do you think a millionaire feels rich compared to a multi or centimillionaire? Or a billionaire?
What if you are below that threshold? Far removed from that vague line. Floating in the nothingness of space.
Are you poor? Maybe not really, but you’re definitely not rich. You’re most likely able to pay rent and the bills with something left to splurge on little joys. But with your mind focused on wanting-to-be-rich, will that situation soothe or irritate you?
Even people that are rich, compared to most standards, can fall for this trap of not being rich enough. Other traps like lifestyle creep will make them feel lacking or falling behind. A multi-millionaire might still sulk because they can only afford a small yacht, not a mega yacht. In their minds, they are rich, but not as rich as really-rich people. And their minds will give them plenty of confirmations of that fact, if they let it.
Hence my proposal to flip the proposition. Getting off the X as I call it.
Instead of being lost in the empty undefined vastness of space, with a far away event horizon that you try to cross; define a really small area, and attempt to leave or not enter that specific, small, well-defined zone.
Wanting to be rich (1 million, 2 million, 10 million,…) becomes “I don’t want to be poor”. And you define being poor as anything below 1000 USD a month. Or less than 20.000USD on a checking account.
Now it is much easier. Our focus is on getting off the X. Once we have reached that, we’re happy and get constant confirmation, “I am not poor”. If not poor, than what are you? Doesn’t really matter, at least you’re not poor! Glorious.
Avoiding one small, well-defined area is much easier to attain than some far away ill-defined gradient border.
Low thresholds turn into easy wins, which bring happiness, fulfillment and success.
“But what if I choose to workout x days a week instead of being skinny as my goal” I hear you think.
Well now you are in the realm of habits and discipline. I’d say, for the average human, those last about as long as the meta goals of wanting to be skinny, sexy or rich. Those goals have no motivation behind them, no reason except discipline. If there is motivation behind it, it is a meta-longing, like wanting to be skinny and sexy, but just with a hat on.
You can also try to adopt something as an identity.
“I AM skinny”
“I AM sexy”
But humans are built to smell bullshit a mile away. So if you’re lying to yourself, it won’t take long before that identity crumbles. Though some therapeutic identity adoptions are valid because they often are an attempt to remove a lie that we have adopted long ago.
“I am worthy”. “I matter”… That’s the reverse of the previous example and something that is in line with my message in this post.
“I am not fat.” “I am not poor.” Are variations of not-wanting something ie focusing on solving the negative.
Try to avoid the negative, everything outside of that turns into positives.
Or maybe not. I’m just a guy on the internet. What do I know.
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